There has been a good deal of noise about governments monitoring phone calls. However, no one seems to worry about their phone calls made in the most public circumstances. One that I heard, wishing it were not happening, made me wonder how concerned people really were about their privacy.
While I was waiting to renew my driver’s license at the Division of Motor Vehicles, a young lady in the next chair made a call which I am reconstructing to the best of my recollection.
The phone is apparently ringing after a number is called up from the smart-phone files.
“ Chuck, this is Patty. Where ever have you been. I have left messages and texts. Are you Ok? Are you still in Philadelphia? I have been taking care of little FIFI for over a week now and the first few days she was nervous and seemed to miss you. Now she sleeps with me and is adjusted to my schedule.”
“Of course I had seen her at your place but she didn’t really know me.”
“No problem, she is fine but you... you were planning to be away for only two days. I had to get more food for her and get her a few toys so she wouldn’t chew the table legs. I hadn’t been around dogs before.”
“No, I like her all right but what has delayed you? You are in St. Louis? I thought you were going to Philadelphia.”
“Why did you stop off in St. Louis?”
“Oh yes, I remember that is where you went to high school but you never talked about going back for a visit. What is the occasion?”
“ Your high school sweetheart just filed for divorce? You had to console her? Surely she’s a big girl now and you have been out of St. Louis for what …12 years. You are a CPA for God’s sake not a counselor.”
“You got engaged! You plan to marry her as soon as the divorce is final? We have been going together for five years and sleeping together for four years, eleven months and twenty-eight days. You never mentioned ‘Engagement’ to me! “
“Oh, I see. It is all OK by YOU because you have never forgotten her! What is her name?”
“You’d rather not say because she values her privacy! What about the hickey you made on my neck! Do you think that doesn’t infringe on MY privacy? What about the nude pictures of me that you took and sent to your friends? How long do you think it took for someone at work to run across them.? Privacy my foot! “
“FAVORS! You want to ask some favors? Sounds like you haven’t lost any audacity. So you want me to return the ring you gave me and keep FIFI because your new fiance is allergic to dogs? Well, as far as the ring is concerned: FORGET IT! We both know it isn’t a real diamond or actually gold.”
“I asked a jeweler when it turned my finger green, that’s how I know. You can look for it beneath the Golden Gate Bridge.“
“ Well, as for FIFI, I am glad to trade HER for YOU. FIFI is smarter than you, has better manners, doesn’t smell bad and doesn’t pee on the bathroom floor. She’s also better in bed! All your stuff will be in a storage locker. I’ll mail you a key at your work address after you send me a check to cover the rent.”
“You have taken a new job in St. Louis? Well so what, figure out how to get the mail forwarded. And don’t bother to call or text me, I am setting my phone up to block your contacts. Adios hombre!”
The lady seemed not in the least perturbed as she fiddled with her Smart Phone and began a game of solitaire.
The DVM clerk finally called my number.
Editors note: This story is all fiction.
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