The Mayor and Police Chief of Santa Loopo were trying to make plans to minimize the impact of some disturbing news; a street-corner, soap-box orator had been collecting crowds all day as he excitedly warned of a divine message he had received. The orator interpreted the message as a sure-fire omen of a pending earthquake.
It is a good bet that anyone in Santa Loopo who was sober, literate and more than five years old had either experienced an earthquake or had heard about them from a friend, a neighbor, or a relative who had lived in Santa Loopo for a while. Santa Loopo had never experienced a ‘quake that measured above “busted china” but all residents know that near-by towns had experienced busted utility mains, chimneys shaken down, bridges collapsed, and older buildings flattened. The opinion of of residents varied about the cause of ‘quakes, varying between the complex lessons of scientists to the awesome fantasies of the superstitious. They all agreed that the extreme vibrations of an earthquake could spoil their plans of survival.
Earthquakes can’t be predicted like weather events so an exact date of a ‘quake arrival is even greater guess-work than politics, or crime, or even a mix of politics and crime, or a mix of crime and politics. That is why these so called divine revelations attracted attention. Since guesses always out-numbered actual ‘quakes by a huge margin, it isn’t impossible that some very small percentage might be correct.
No-one expected that a 'quake prediction would be as difficult for God as it was for a scientist. The whole ‘quake triggering mechanism was a synergy of random natural occurrences about which God did less surveillance than state geologists and their network of monitoring mechanisms. If God did have some unknown edge in guess-work, She was just as ignorant of fracking activity – a human-made ‘quake accelerator – as interested scientists. Fracking was a totally new accelerant to ‘quake-shakes, and it was so uncoordinated that God knew no more than governments.
As far as predicting damages, scientists had a vast lack of specific knowledge of the resonant vibration behavior of the structures man made and natural in any territory of earthquake disturbance. There is no reason to believe that God’s knowledge of that data was complete either since lots of natural landmarks had been damaged in the past without an obvious purpose. It is reasonable to expect that God knew the possibilities of structural damage from ‘quake excitation since Biblical folk-lore mentions the employment of fairly mild acoustic and percussive excitation used by Israelites tromping about with trumpets to bring down the walls of Jericho at God’s instruction. Both scientists and God recognize that ‘quake damage is not just brute force but most damaging are periodic forces that magnify the deflections of structures when the excitation matches the structure’s resonant frequencies.
The Mayor and Police Chief weren’t fully aware of all the science involved with earthquakes but they were well aware of the danger of yelling ” FIRE!” in a theater. The orator’s freedom of speech wasn’t as specifically limited yet by the Supreme Court but other methods were used to shut him up. His divine observations could be just as dangerous to an excitable public as the FIRE warning.
With the ordinances at hand they were able to prevent him from his public tirades unless he got a permit that allowed addressing a crowd in an open, public venue. The major impact of that ordinance was a $100 license fee – which the orator didn’t have. The orator kept up with his rants about a ‘quake and briefly ended up in prison squelching his divine tirade.
The Police Chief ventured that the whole mess would be forgotten in a couple of weeks, especially since Donald Trump would be having a rally in town which would divert thinking unto another track. Most of the people actually frightened by the ‘quake lectures had only single track capability anyway.
The Mayor knew from experience that a number of ‘quake alarms would result for the Police Chief to check out. To keep these from continuing the ‘quake angst the Mayor told the Police Chief to make sure that the reporter of the Daily Plaza newspaper promptly listed each call and the findings of why it was considered erroneous.
These news bits were soon a national joke which helped to ease the ‘quake fear or smother it with humor.
Some examples:
1) COMPLAINT: Sudden, loud rumbling noise in middle of night.
INVESTIGATION; A cat was sleeping on computer keyboard and had turned on music system amplifiers. The cat started purring and mimicked earthquake acoustics.
2) COMPLAINT: A shaking motor home parked on the Plaza attracted the attention of a bar patron on his way home.
INVESTIGATION; The bar patron not too steady on his feet and blew a .22 on a breathalyzer. Motorhome motion caused by newly-weds celebrating nuptials. Bar patron spent night in jail because he didn’t remember his home address. The next day he had forgotten the ‘quake incident but remembered his home address.
3) COMPLAINT: A prolonged sound of breaking glass followed by a bright flash of light at culinary academy on Spain Street.
INVESTIGATION: Truck for recycling pick-up, loaded three dumpsters full of empty wine bottles. When loading completed, the truck accidentally backed into floodlight pole.
After twenty or so news items like these, earthquake interest rapidly waned and anyway the Trump political rally had captured all of the town’s interest. The orator of the divine message had been released from jail but he no longer attracted listeners. He moved on north to a casino parking lot where he warned of gamblers’ conversion to salt pillars. He was ignored except for being asked to pose for cell phone pictures. By adding some chicken bone implants in his nose and ear lobes he attracted a horde of photo-seekers and became quite prosperous, also becoming a paid TV spokesman for medical marijuana.
The Mayor and the Police Chief forgot about earthquakes in Santa Loopo. The town had sold enough parade permits and parking permits for vehicles used for TV Satellite transmission about the Trump rally, to pay-off the town budget deficit.
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