Sherman's March  Dave Lewis

Sherman and Lois had been living together for 3 years. Like many Yuppie couples  having satisfactory employment and no desire to raise kids, they weren’t interested in the institution of marriage and it wasn’t even discussed.  It had an unintended bonding factor since each party realized how liquid their union was. Either party could walk off without legal or financial hassles which always made the emotional part of a separation more intense and possibly wounding. 

They had just moved to Sonoma, CA from LA on the first of March. It wasn’t Sherman’s idea but he agreed since he was self-employed. Lois campaigned hard for the move because of a job offer she had received that excited her for reasons that Sherman couldn’t comprehend.  The resulting relocation was OK with Sherman but Lois, who pushed for it in the first place, missed the tinsel and excitement in LA.  She realized that her secret, incubating, dream of being “discovered” by a movie studio was now unlikely.  When the movie moguls were in Sonoma they were partying, not casting.  However, any regrets she had were dissolved by her new boss, Clark.  Clark was like an intellectual version of a suit model.  At least that was the plot of her day-dreams since she started working with him . 

Sherman found that he was learning more about Clark than he really cared to know as Lois would chatter on about his athletic prowess, his thick curly hair, his elegant manicures, and his bright red Mercedes convertible.  Sherman finally realized that in none of those attributes was he a worthy competitor. Lois had recently suggested that Sherman consider “comb-overs”; Sherman usually didn’t even comb straight.

Last Saturday, Lois asked Sherman to do the grocery shopping and he agreed.  She got out a pink notepad and wrote quite a long list of groceries and supplies that filled up the whole page. Sherman read it over and understood all of the details. Lois insisted he shop at Lucky’s ; then she handed over five cloth bags to carry it all. Sherman folded the list up to fit his shirt pocket and headed for the  store.  He had never been into the shopping center on a Saturday morning. He was surprised at how few parking places were left.

When Sherman got a cart and started canvasing the store he reached for the list in his shirt pocket. It was gone!  He searched all of his pockets several times – no list. He spent about 10 minutes poking around the store entrance and then decided to track back to his car.  It is a big parking lot and he had forgotten exactly where he had parked his car! He realized he’d have to sweep in a pattern to cover his forgotten path. He was hoping the pink paper would be easy to spot.  The aisles in that lot are long and wide. Cars go through the lot pretty fast and they are usually distracted from obstacles during their quest for an empty space.  Sherman had to dodge several times in his search, nearly nailed by a pick-up truck, a blue low-rider, and a red Mercedes. He finally found his car and was delighted to see a folded pink paper by the back bumper. He snatched it up, put it back securely in his shirt pocket, and buttoned the flap.  

Sherman went back to the store, paying attention to the route this time, got a cart and re-entered the store.  Turning left into the produce section, he pulled out the list and opened it. It wasn’t the grocery list!  Right away he saw that it was a note, addressed to someone else.  Then he read it several times.  The pink paper could have been a coincidence but the hand writing was definitely Lois’. The brief note said:

Clark Darling,
After I call you Saturday, Sherm will have left for the Luckys store. The license number of his car is  8DEZ 218.  It is a bright yellow BMW. Just let all of the air out of his tires. Then, with the shopping, he will be tied up for three or four hours.  I’ll be in the Best Western Motel in room 128. Park around the back next to my car where you’ll be out of sight.  I am so looking forward to being close to you again!  
Love, Lois

After the third reading, Sherman had figured things out.  He didn’t bother with the shopping but he did buy a bag of baking potatoes. His BMW has “run flat” tires, made to stand 50 miles of emergency traveling with a flat. There is a gas station with air 100 yards away. While filling the tires he opened the car’s trunk to put the cloth shopping bags back in it. That is where the grocery list had fallen out of his pocket. He considered it a really lucky accident. As he was closing his banking accounts,  canceling phone and internet service, power and gas, he thought about that list many times.  While he was emptying his stuff out of the apartment, he thought about it more.

On the back of the note Lois sent to Clark, he wrote:
Lois- hope you and Clark had a nice afternoon.  
Good bye, 
Sherman.

He left the revised note on Lois’ desk. Then he went to the Best Western Motel and let the air out of the tires on Lois’ car and the red Mercedes. He stuffed a potato in each of the Mercedes’ exhaust pipes

Sherman relocated further North – on the ocean. He framed the pink grocery list. Only the blank side was visible. He always kept it above his typewriter as a mystic token of Good Luck. This had been a hectic March.

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