Bad, Bad, Bananas - Joan Shepherd

”Good Morning, Mr. Granville,How are you?” 

“I am not happy, Alfredo, you have made me very upset this morning.”

“Me? What in  the world have I done to upset you?”

These two men have known one another for years as Mr G lives in an old tall brick apartment building just a block away from the produce store of Alfredo. Mr. G is getting on in years, uses a cane, and has a routine for shopping every third day, rain or shine. If the third day falls on Sunday, he skips that day as  most shops are closed anyway.

“Always, with a few exceptions, you sell me prime quality goods. And now I have a complaint!”

Again the storekeeper asks, “What have I done for you to complain?”

“See this?”

 “ Yes, it is a banana.”

“ What kind of a banana is it?” 

“ Well, it’s a regular banana from the Philippines, not plantain or a miniature from Mexico.” 

“You get bananas from Mexico?”  

“Sure. we get lots of produce from Mexico.”  

“But you said this banana came from the  Philippines?”

“ Right.”  

“ That’s probably the reason, but it is your fault.”
  

“ My fault for what? You keep saying that but don't tell me why. What is bothering you with all  these questions?”   

“This banana is no good! Can't you see it is dark? It should be yellow. It attracts fruit flies too. I cut off a little end this morning to cut up the banana on my cereal  and this banana is no good.  I wouldn't feed this to a dog.”   

“First of all, I don’t know a dog that eats bananas, even overripe ones.” He paused, thinking it was a joke but became annoyed again.

“Today is Thursday. You haven’t been in the store this week. I don't sell bad bananas. If you keep them too long, they become very soft and dark. You weren’t here Friday, Saturday or Sunday, and I’m always closed Sunday.  That’s a week since you were here and if it was ready to eat then, it is now over ripe! It’s old! It is a bad banana!” 

           

“But you sold it too me!”

Alfredo shook his head in frustration. Could he just tell this older man and a good customer to go to hell ? He could just walk away – this man, actually he liked the man – this man 

Mr G would go to the A&P store not much further away. Gaining his composure, Alfredo, the green grocer, patted Mr. G on the shoulder and  said, “OK. Have you had breakfast yet?”   

“No, you see, I  was going to have this banana on...”  

Alfredo interrupted him. “yes, yes, I know. I sold you a bad banana. Look, I have some cornflakes in the back. Let's both have some cereal and get  some good bananas, I'll   even throw in some strawberries and...”

Now it was Mr.G's turn to interrupt.”I don't like cornflakes.” 

“Well, you'll like the way I fix them”, and he pulled over two crates, one full of carrots and the other of lettuce. Then he kind of pushed Mr. G to sit on the carrot crate, shook his finger close to his friend's face saying, “Sit there until I get back in  just a few minutes.” Mr. G. did stayed seated.

Ten minutes later, the few people passing by saw two men sitting on crates, each eating a bowl of cereal with fruit and milk. The Starbucks coffee shop across the street sent over two cups of coffee and when the bearer of the coffee told the clerk in the bakery what he had done, that clerk sent over two muffins with the same guy. It was a nice scene. Two men,  talking with an occasional laugh, sitting on crates, eating cereal for breakfast with two  perfectly yellow banana skins tossed on the ground beside them.

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