I Screwed Up!

By Ruth Hoppe

In an alternate universe, dramas often play out differently than the way we have observed them from our own universe. Here are a couple of examples from the historical record of a world similar to our own, but a little different.

Universe Date 7.77777765 aka December 19, 1998

Good morning, distinguished members of Congress, members of the press, and my fellow Americans, thank you for allowing me to address you this morning.  I’ve something to share with you that’s very difficult. I want to give you my apology.

We are all painfully aware of the drama of these impeachment hearings going on and on for months. We have wasted millions of dollars of government money and too much time in such a farce. We have heard the vicious, prurient, opportunistic, self-serving tone of the questions and of the direction the interrogators intend on taking this boondoggle. All that has made me bitter, and I’d like to change that.

I don’t blame myself for allowing this grand inquisition to put me on the defensive and slip and slide around those questions like an Olympic slalom contender. I didn’t lie, technically, but I didn’t tell the truth either. I told the interrogators that I never had sex with that woman. Well, that depends on how you define sex. I used a definition of sex that I could deny.

Recently I met Stan Dale. Stan Dale is the founder of the Human Awareness Institute, whose mission is to create a world where everyone wins. They put on workshops dealing with love, intimacy, and sexuality. Stan told me one way to define sex is S-E-X – Sacred energy exchange. By looking into someone’s eyes with love and compassion, you can have a sacred energy exchange. That blew my mind! Needless to say, I have had a change of heart. After much soul-searching with Stan Dale, prayer with God, and consulting with the First Lady, still one of the finest attorneys in Washington, I have decided to provide another level of truth about this matter. To paraphrase Hillary, “Bill, you screwed up, now fess up!”

The committee asked me if I had a sexual relationship with Ms. Lewinsky. The answer is Yes, I did, and I do not, at present. Therefore, my previous answer was correct. At the time I answered the question, I was no longer in relationship with her.

I am not going to answer any further questions about the details of this past relationship. It is sufficient to say that whatever we did together was indeed of a sexual nature. It was great fun, very pleasurable. It was absolutely loving. And it was wrong for me to engage in it because it involved deception and hubris. I always admired President Kennedy and wanted to be like him. Even when I said that, I knew deep inside I wanted to emulate his ability to get the women he wanted, any woman he wanted.

I have a weakness for pretty women who also exhibit self-confidence and aren’t afraid to flirt with me. This is not the first time that I have broken my marriage vows. I am a very lustful man.  Some would describe this type of behavior as that of a sex addict. Perhaps it is.

I admit that I have abused the trust of the people of the United States of America, who elected me to this privileged office. I let my own powerful ego and sense of entitlement let me believe I could get by with behavior behind closed doors in ways that I am ashamed to admit in public, and which violate all ethical considerations and the spirit of the Civil Rights laws.

My conscience will no longer allow me to evade, squirm around, and slide around your questions, as objectionable as they may be to me and many others. I have come to believe that absolute honesty is the right thing to do, so that our government can put this regrettable act behind us and begin dealing with the critical and serious problems of our nation.

If any think I should be punished further, I should remind you that everyone has a skeleton in their closet. Some are of a sexual nature, others involve money, and all involve lying. If you think you haven’t lied, I assure you that the FBI and Secret Service will find out what you did and we will publish it for the public to know all about it.

In conclusion, I know I did wrong. I did wrong to the First Lady, I did wrong to the intern involved, and I did wrong to the people of the United States. I ask you to look into your hearts and grant me forgiveness, if you are willing to do that. I will live with the consequences of my actions, regardless, but I do hope you forgive me. I intend to be more conscious of my own ego-driven desires so that I can be a more aware, ethical, and responsible leader for this country. I am not willing to continue the unethical and unreasonable behaviors I have done in the past.

God bless you and God bless the people of the United States of America.

Chapter 2:  June 8, 2008

Now we have our guest of honor for this show, the Honorable Condoleeza Rice, Secretary of State of the United States:

Oprah, I’m delighted that you’ve allowed me to be a guest once again on your show! I enjoyed it so much last time, and I have a special reason for requesting to come on again, an announcement that has tremendous importance to me and probably to others as well.

Condi, I can’t imagine what kind of surprise you would bring here! For sharing with our entire viewing audience … And please go on:

I need to start at the beginning. I’ve told you before about my growing up in Birmingham and how the bombing of the church and killing four little black girls, one of them a schoolmate of mine, affected me. Being a little black girl myself, and attending my own church only a few blocks away, I actually felt that explosion on Sunday morning. That act of terror affected my entire life and the life of this country. I realize it’s no wonder I was also affected by the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon!

My parents educated me and expected me to go far in life. It was as if the sky was not the limit. Even though we were discriminated against, not allowed to mingle with white people, Mom and Dad prepared me for a life of achievement. They prepared me to carry myself with dignity no matter what. Well, I’ve achieved it. And now I’m renouncing it. Yes, I’m quitting. I’m no longer going to be Secretary of State.

Condi, does George W. know about this?

No, Oprah, he doesn’t. He’s going to really be surprised! I know this kind of stunt goes against everything proper my mom and dad taught me to be, and maybe that’s the point. I’ve been a good, obedient yes-girl too damn long.

Oh my! Well, whatever this is about, you have my blessing …

You know I’ve loved being the expert in foreign affairs. My fascination with the Soviet Union and its ultimate demise … my stint in the first Bush administration … my post as National Security Advisor, and finally Secretary of State. I guess all this prestige really got to my head.  Hanging out with the big boys, so to speak, made me a sucker and seemed to override my common sense. Stanford was pretty heady, too, but the Oval Office is testosterone city on steroids.

Condi, those sure are colorful metaphors, but then again, I wasn’t there. What happened, dear?

Well, I never did learn the whole truth about what happened on 9/11. But I know the way I was handled and pushed into testifying before the 9/11 Commission, like the administration was throwing them a bone to keep them off the real trail.

Then I found myself doing things that sounded reasonable, but I regretted later, like misleading everyone about the evidence for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. My comment “we don’t want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud” was pure propaganda. I sincerely regret authorizing the waterboarding of Abu Zubaydah – he was a leader of Al Quaeda. I admit I didn’t realize I approved that type of torture. I thought I was just passing on someone else’s order. But I didn’t object either. I got in so deep in this mud puddle, I wasn’t sure I would ever get out. Only God could help me.

So, Condi, do you think you were a people-pleaser?

Absolutely. My parents taught me to respect legitimate authority. But I was seduced by the dynamics of the highest powers in Washington. I let too many details slide by me. I didn’t want to question my boss. Let me rephrase that – I questioned him and Cheney all the time. But when they overrode my opinions, I let that slide. I let slide my conscience, my sense of right and wrong. Besides, I always was a diplomat, not a debater. I really can’t deal with politics and politicians. Ironically, my major was political science.

I had a dream three nights ago. In this dream, I’m playing the piano, which I love to do in real life. Next I’m still playing the piano and I’m dancing and singing as well. Now the piano is levitated and it’s dancing too. I keep playing, I keep singing, I keep dancing. Now the floor itself is moving, is dancing. Now I notice that all the notes I’m playing don’t sound right. Some of them sound okay and some of them are just off. I finally stop playing and lift up the lid, and there are two little men inside moving around on the strings. No wonder it didn’t sound right.

When I woke up, I knew this dream was my sign from God. You know, my father was a Presbyterian pastor as well as a teacher, and he taught me about the power of dreams. The Bible has so many examples of prophetic dreams. I talked with my dad about my dream. Yes, I know my dad has been dead 8 years now, but we still talk, and he gives me good advice. He told me I can’t keep propping up men just as evil as the one we killed in Iraq. He told me not to worry. I didn’t really screw up … I had to take the job so I could learn from the experience. Now I know it’s not my job anymore. I’ve lied and misled and done it happily, just to be a part of the leadership. A leadership of either fools or traitors, or both.

Condi, you say you don’t know for sure what happened on 9/11?

Yes, Oprah, I don’t. I know what they want me to know about it. I even know a few other bits and pieces, but I haven’t fit all those pieces together yet. It just isn’t coherent. There is a man named Fred Burks who has a website with more information than it’s possible to evaluate … wanttoknow.info, I think is the website … I think there are some really evil men in our government, as my dad pointed out to me, and they aren’t playing my song. It’s time for me to leave.

Goodbye, George. I won’t be back!

Condi, I understand you are a Christian and that Christian morality informs your decisions. How does this fit here?

I haven’t been consulting God enough in the past. George W. and Cheney became God-like in my mind, even though the real God was always in my heart. I am being guided to do more spiritual exploration in the future. I met a Sufi recently and found that my own faith seems quite compatible with that, an open and curious approach to spirituality. Also, I met Hameed Ali, who writes under the name A. H. Almaas, who is the creator of the Diamond Heart approach. Oprah, have you ever met Hameed Ali? I think you would really like him. He really encourages inquiry and discovering one’s own essence. I’m also reading books written by some Catholic brothers and sisters. I know from DNA testing that I am part African, part European, and part Native American. My genetic heritage may inform my spiritual activities. There are several paths I might take. I think I need some time out and God will lead me in the way I am to go.

Do you think you might run for President?

Oh no! Well, at least for now, I can’t contemplate further engagement either in the political process or the military-industrial process. I am a peaceful person, and whatever path I take I pray will be a peaceful one and a way to help all people.

Condi, I want to congratulate you for your courageous decision, your willingness to honestly explore your own life and the person you are meant to be. I especially thank you for this conversation on our program. Many blessings to you in your new life, your new future!

Ruth Hoppe