Dick & Jane - Twelve Years Later

Dave Lewis

(This is an unequal sequel of a previous story by Joan Shepherd.
See September 17, 2013)

Dick and Jane were now high school seniors.  They had known each other for twelve years, having first met in Ms Shepherd's reading class. Now charged with testosterone, Dick had the hots for Jane.  As for Jane, her reaction was "See Jane run. Run! Run! Run!

On a Friday, Dick was complaining about his week end homework assignment in Ms Shepherd's writing class. "She told us to write a story using three goofy words: breath mint, pink paint, and lotion.  How will I make those fit together?"

"That should be easy for you, Dick."  Jane offered.  "Remember the math teacher in the 3rd grade?  You asked him to use some breath mints.  He said that they made his teeth hurt. You said " Well put 'em in the other end.  Us kids gotta have some relief!"  Then he sent you to the principal's office.  The principal sent you back with a box of breath mints and the math teacher got mad and quit."

Dick smiled extravagantly.  "Ya, that will work. I forgot about that.  But pink paint. Where does that fit in?"

Jane shot back right away,   "What about the two gay kids that painted their bikes pink.   You asked them if they saved enough pink paint to do their toe nails and you got suspended for a week for bullying."

"Hell!" said Dick, " I have a gay cousin that paints his toenails pink and he pays a dollar for a tiny bottle of paint.  I was just trying to put them on to a money saving idea. I wasn't  making fun of them or bullying."

Jane's reply was, "This is your chance to set the record straight.  It only happened last year and you could at least apologize and explain yourself."

Dick harumphed. "I got  over 100 hours of community service for that misunderstanding.  I had to pick up 100 pounds of dog poop on the Plaza.  It took me a whole semester's week-ends to finish."

" You kept on adding duck droppings to up the count and you would get reset to zero pounds when they caught you.  You would have been through earlier if you hadn't tried to cheat." was Jane's rebuttal.

"OK,  Smarty Pants;  How was I supposed to tell the difference." shot back Dick.

Jane got alarmed at the  Smarty Pants  nick-name and she quickly pulled her skirt down past her knees.  She had noticed Dick was getting lasciviously watchful! 

Now a little irritated, and feeling conspicuous with her  new panties, Jane told Dick, " I think a two year old can tell the difference between dog poop and duck doo. Apparently you just don't know shit!"

"HA, HA!"  was Dick's only reply.  He hated to get trumped by Jane's rebuttals and especially to be caught-out looking up her skirt.  

Dick sulked  for a few minutes.  Jane's rebuke had numbed his mind and he damn near forgot the lotion word totally. When it came to him that he was still short on the weekend assignment, his brain froze.   "I have no ideas about lotion!" Dick whined. "I never use lotion or sissy stuff and don't know what it's good for."

Jane stared at him for a long time, then added an incredulous smirk.   " Have you forgotten when you  wrote STUD across your forehead with sunscreen at the Junior class picnic? You were looking in a mirror when you wrote it and it showed up backwards against the sun tan.  How long did that last?  Till Labor Day?  Ms Shepherd let you wear a bandanna doo-rag until your tan faded so the class would quit giggling.  Sun screen is a lotion; that's my notion!"

Dick saw he had been Aced again.  On the other hand his assignment would be a push-over now and he knew he might as well shut-up and be thankful for Jane's help.  Even if Jane wouldn't go out on a date with him she could be a good friend.  Her younger sister Sally had grown up cute and it was no use having bad feelings in the family.  

Dick  had just learned the most important lesson from all of his twelve years in school.  "PLAN AHEAD".

September 2013